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CITY HELD, BUT NOT BY ERNIE

SLAYER FC 1

J HARRIS (1) 

WESTCLIFFE FC 1

On the sixth day god created Westcliffe v Canterbury city. The rains were suspended by the good lord himself to create the luscious pastures that is Pfizers. The sun shined from the heavens and the game was on. Unfortunately a few regular pilgrims were missing from this frequent clash between the two sects. Most obvious was the evil cardinal himself Lord Ernie III, in his place the match was refereed by Lord Dave (can’t be sure that that was his name but I reckon it’s a good guess). Canterbury City were relieved that without Lord Ernie they would be spared any humiliating flogging. Westcliffe were missing two of there most prominent pilgrims in the form of THE BISHOP and his devoted son Choirboy Aled, whom some would say is a miracle to be still growing at the age of 33. As for Canterbury City they were missing two of their religious enforcers, the energetic Matthew Banks who was out catching the atheists and Fred McCormack who was tending to his groin by wearing holy water soaked loin cloths. Missionary Dave Yates was still on a mission to convert the good people of BMW and missionary Mark Wilbourn was in Australia creating a spiritual settlement.

The centre midfield consisting of our right honourable leader reverend Nick Saunders and organ player Ian Cockerell rarely produced any appropriate service to our attacking pulpit but there was no doubt about there en devour. The good monk Graham played up the right flank and was unable to penetrate to far into the opponents half although as the scriptures said "monk Graham would do lots of long throws" and indeed he did. On our sidelines there awaited our god given left footed French pilgrim monsieur Kidd although he was not played until the second half.

Efforts of pure nobility on goal, in the first half came from the tortured but well meaning Steve Jones. Two chances came from his head after a sumptuous cross from our friend and religious socialist guru Joe Harris and a breathtaking corner from Steve Woodcock (possible pope). Our good keeper of all good and brave Julian Watts had little to do in the first half except to shout to us city pilgrims to use our courage. 

And so that is what we drew on, courage, Steve Jones won a header to defend our goal, Darren lynch won a contested challenge outside our box and the ball fell to our friend Joe Harris. Sun rays enveloped him and he was off like lightning down the left wing. The biggest miracle of the day was about to unfold the once lame Steve Jones who had just defended the corner was calling Joe from the edge of the opponent’s box. Joe crossed in the perfect ball and Steve with his long limbs slid in to dink the ball over the Westcliffe keeper. "Hallelujah" we all shouted.

Westcliffe had the wind of God in the second half but Canterbury for the good part of the second half had the will and this certainly seemed more powerful. The whispers of the devil however that Andre had spoken of were true and fortunately removed themselves from Andre but possessed Westcliffe and possibly referee Lord Dave. One clear goal was scored by our friend Joe but the devil had none of it and discredited it with the glee of only those that could live in the underworld.

And so it was, with a pressured onslaught from Lucifer’s children and prevailing wind that Canterbury succumbed to a Westcliffe goal. BASTARDS.

With sustained effort in the last 15 mins Canterbury were unable to beat Westcliffe. Although it was not a loss there was certainly grief amongst us. So let us pray: FOOTBALL BURNS AS FIRE; IT SHINES AS THE SUN; IT RAINS AS THE CLOUD; IT CRASHES AS THE THUNDER IN THE SKY. FOOTBALL IS THE EARTH; IT HAS FORM AND NO FORM. FOOTBALL IS IMMORTALITY. God bless and amen.

Man of the match: Steve Jones

Team : Julian, Nick S, Craig, Andre, Mark Kidd, Darren, Steve W, Ian, Steve J, Graham, Dave Read